Chemo Session 13

Friday was fairly uneventful. We got to GT and met with Dr Marshall alone. That is one of the things I really like about our Dr. No Ego. We went over the results of the CT Scan. Everyone's scans show some stuff - which was true for Scotty - his scans showed clean. His cancer markers were no where to be found. There was some thickness near his colon but Dr Marshall said you just had surgery so that is to be expected. So for all intents and purposes, he is clear. Scott needs to go get a colonoscopy in about a month or 2 which is a month or 2 earlier than the one year. Dr M said he has no reason for concern and no reason not to move forward with the rest of the treatment.

We did review some of Scott's symptoms. Keep in mind, he has now had 12 rounds of chemo. 12 rounds of toxic chemicals added to his body so it is only expected that he has some side effects. He still is having headaches. Dr M instructed us to get a blood pressure monitor and take it to make sure it isn't elevated bp which the last drug Avastin is known to cause. His neuropathy is still bad too. The cold sensitivity has seemed to lessen. Not go away completely, but he was able to drink something cold earlier in the week without a huge amount of discomfort. It's the resonating numbness that seems to be worse. Dr M was not overly concerned by it but will be tracking it.

We headed upstairs. 7th floor, infusion. Mercedes was not on duty, so we shared our time with Sonia. We moved our every 2 week chemo to Fridays. No real reason, just something we did. It took about 4 hours total from getting into the drs, to waiting on the chemo, to administering it. It did seem like a vacation compared to the previous 12. We don't even have to wait on blood tests. One great thing is no more chemo pack to take home and return. Scott still doesn't feel "good" but how could he really.

As I mentioned, he still has these bad headaches. The Dr gave him some meds which do help but he can't take them during the day for obvious reasons. Scott took it fairly easy all weekend as he just wasn't up to doing much.

Young people and cancer

This article is a bit on the old side, but resonated with me.

Too Young for This: Facing Cancer Under 40

Quiet Weekends are for Losers...

We had a very busy weekend for sure. Friday night, our neighbor Timmy came over and we were headed out for date night. We got as far as dinner and Scotty really didn't feel so hot, so we headed home.

Saturday morning, I went and worked out. Then came home and wanted to help stimulate the economy a bit. So Timmy came over once again and Scott and I headed to the outlet malls. We got some great deals. We got home around 1, had lunch and then everyone did some quiet time until we had to be at our friend, Smob's house for dinner. We had a lovely time there. They recently redid their house and it is just beautiful. We got home around 8ish. Hannah had fallen asleep in the car, Nate did not.

Sunday morning, we took the kids to Hebrew School amidst protests. They ended up having a great time. Then Hannah and I were committed to selling the remainder of Girl Scout cookies in front of Giant. So we did that and then Hannah had a playdate come over for a few hours. Nate is not too keen on Hannah having someone other than himself to play with so he became an annoyance to the girls. Or as Hannah says: "A Rascal."

Scotty bought some new basketball shoes this weekend and then went to the open gym at the pavilion to shoot some hoops. This is progress people! He came back thoroughly exhausted and sore and I think he screwed up his knee -- but I think it was worth it. A glimmer of the old Scotty!

One difference this chemo cycle is Scott's feet have been hurting very badly. Painful and numb. It hurts to go shopping for any extended period of time as well, which really crimps my style. It's hard to believe its been 12 cycles already. That's a lot of poison running through his veins. He went in for his CT scan today and hopefully we will find out the results by Friday at the latest. We have our Avastin chemo appointment on Friday this week.

good times.

The Dreaded Pink Eye

I woke up this morning with the dreaded pink eye. I have no idea where I picked it up from because no one else in the house has it. Hannah said my eye looks like a vampire eye. I started on some antibiotics this morning, so I should be good to go tomorrow. I had to skip out of boot-camp this am because of it. I didn't want to share equipment while I was infectious. I'm so considerate!

Scott seems to have either been very sick this time from the chemo or picked up a bug. He was in bed all last night and skipped dinner and then took the kids to school today and came home and slept most of the day. I didn't want to take Nate into daycare myself because of my eye. He seems to be better now.

Keeping it dry...

So a bright spot to share! Nate stayed dry last night. Anyone who knows us, knows Nate and potty training has not been easy. I told him if he stayed dry last night, he could have a Bionicle. I called it a Bee-onicle. Well, wouldn't you know it, he came down stairs this morning all standing proud and pulled down his pants to show me that indeed the pull-up was D R Y. This was the first time this has ever happened. We all hooted and got excited. Let's see if it happens again tonight, now that he got his present. Knowing him, he does it more for control than because he can't hold it.

March is Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month

March is Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month and the American Cancer Society is promoting safe screening practices.

“Colon cancer is one of only a handful of cancers that can be prevented through screening,” says Al Stabilito, of the American Cancer Society. “Precancerous polyps, from which colon cancer often develops, can be detected and removed before they become cancerous.”

Important Facts about Colon Cancer:

The third leading cause of cancer death in America is colorectal cancer.

An estimated one-third of colorectal cancer deaths could be avoided if people 50 and older had regular screening.

Colorectal cancer is very treatable and the success rate is very high when detected in its early stages.

Symptoms are not always present in people who have polyps or colorectal cancer. When colon cancer is detected in the early stages, the survival rate is more than 90 percent.

Risk increases with age. Most cases, about 92 percent, occur in people 50 and older.

Both men and women are at risk of developing colorectal cancer.

The publication of Cancer Facts & Figures 2009 has been delayed, but in 2008 the American Cancer Society estimated 153,000 new cases of colon and rectal cancers. Of which 50,000 will die of the disease.

Screening rates have recently gone up, likely as a result of increased efforts to raise awareness of the importance of screening. According to the 2007 Annual Report to the Nation on the status of Cancer, there was a 4.9 reduction in colon cancer death in men and a 4.5 reduction in women between 2002- 2004.

The take home message is easy: both men and women are at risk of colon cancer and should begin screening at 50. It very well may save your life.

Remind your parents and your grandparents to get screened. And when the time comes, follow your own good advice and get screened.

Winding down the weekend...

This is probably the first time since we started chemo, that to me, Scott looks beaten down. He really didn't feel up to leaving the house at all this weekend. Normally, he is stir crazy, but he was so weak and tired he didn't feel up to leaving the house. His feet are hurting pretty bad as well.

We really didn't have much planned this weekend so that wasn't really an issue. I went to the gym Saturday morning. When I got home, I took Hannah to Matthew's birthday party and Nate played outside while Scott sat on the porch to watch him. When I got home, I took over. The kids played with our older neighbor Vanessa for literally hours Saturday. They came in and were literally exhausted which was a double edged sword. Great, because they were tired. Not so great, because Nate had a major meltdown because he was exhausted. I threw them in the shower and they were in bed and out before 9p.

I went for a great 4mile run this morning on the Wo&D trail outside. The weather this weekend was perfect. Then I took the kids to the park this morning after Hebrew school for a few hours. Hannah and I are heading out shortly to sell GS cookies in front of AC Moore for a few hours. After that, laundry, gearing the kids up for the school week and winding down the weekend.

Bye bye chemo pack...

Yesterday, Scott went back to G'town to get his chemo pack removed for the last time. No surprise to anyone: we were not sad about it one bit. Hannah said we should throw Daddy a party! I said we will once we are all done!

Scott is tired. His foot is hurting too. He says it feels like there is a big blister on the bottom under the skin. So he has a slight limp. Not sure what that is from. I will email the dr this weekend if it persists.

This weekend we have a lot going on. Hannah has a party to go to at some laser tag place. She is the only girl invited to her friend Matthew's party. It doesn't seem to phase her at all. We also have to go sell GS cookies for a few hours in front of AC Moore for our troop. Then on Sunday, we have Sunday school and a Purim party after that. But keeping the kids busy means they won't have time to get into trouble (at least in theory).

"No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear."

I have been reading this blog since I read about himin the local section of washingtonpost online:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/ericolsen

I don't really know why I read it - maybe it's because it aligns with my thoughts or I feel for the family. I have said this before, but every cancer is different and every person with cancer has a different story to write or journey to take. So, I dont read it thinking this is my story...

One of my favorite movies of all time is Shadowlands. It is the story of C.S Lewis and his American wife. I have loved this movie for years and years and years. Today, I went and read a blog entry and she used one of his quotes. I think what she says is so true. Not only true for me and what we are going through, but true for everyone. When someone in your life gets seriously ill, it does put things in perspective. I think it takes a serious event for others to see and understand that.

C.S. Lewis says in the movie Shadowlands: "We read to know we are not alone" and I think that is fitting in this case.

"No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear."

-C.S.Lewis

Today, Eric's life insurance check came in the the mail and I cried with mixture of sadness and awe that a piece of paper could feel so final. I found that quote above today on the internet and I felt that it embodied my thoughts on his cancer diagnosis from the beginning. For three years I wasted time worrying and fearing things that seem so trivial now. Such as paying for medical bills, lost pay, losing his income entirely, and realizing today, five weeks after his death , that I really should have focused even more on staying present . Hugging more, blaming less, feeling grateful for love freely given and spending precious time with Eric should have been goals set from the beginning and not fear gripping every minute of every hour.

Why am I writing all this down? I am not trying to be preachy or get you to feel sorry for me. My only goal , and as the oldest of four I come by this naturally, is for you to read my words , learn from my mistakes and enjoy what you have right this minute. How will I listen to my own words? Who knows, but I'm not going to worry about it....

Chemo 12 -- A Milestone

I left bootcamp one cycle earlier so we could make it to G'town on time. We arrived at G'town 2 hours late. We were off to such a great start too. School was on an one hour delay, so we dropped HB off at Annette's to take the bus to school. Nate had woken up earlier than normal and was dressed and in a great mood. We hit the road with plenty of time. Stopped and got Scott an ice tea no ice and proceeded on our way to drop Nate off at AOL. We hit traffic and it took us almost an hour to get out of Ashburn. It is like 3-4 friggin miles! Unbelievable. By then, HOV was over, so we ran into traffic on 66E so it was not smooth sailing...

We arrived and didn't have to wait very long to see Dr M. We saw a fellow medical student first who evaluated Scott for this go around. Scott has been having headaches and Dr M thinks its from the Avastin. He gained a few lbs but all in all he looks pretty good. His neuropathy, while better, is not great yet and the fellow had said that could take years to return if it does. Great! Dr M went and checked his trial rules and decided to not give Scott Avastin this go-round to see if that is indeed what is causing the headaches. They also gave him a script for Percocet since Tylenol and Ibuprofen do not seem to help dissipate the pain. Scott's bp was 131/90 I believe. He also is very tired but as you have read, that is nothing new with his treatment.

Dr M mentioned that the first results of the Avastin trial administered to stage 3 colon cancer patients should be out in the June timeframe and depending on those, they may continue on their course or decided to discontinue Avastin.

Scott has a script to go get a CTscan and he is done with the Folfox after Thursday's return of the 46 hour chemo pack.

We got to Floor 7 later than normal and had to wait approx 2.5 hours for our chemo to start. On the bright side, Mercedes gave us a really nice room. Room 18 and it had a nice view of the National Cathedral. I went and got Scott some lunch and we both worked on our computers. Scott's friend John Divney was in town from Jersey, and he stopped by to hang with us until chemo was over. I know Scott was very happy to spend time with him. We had a lot of laughs. We didn't get home until after 7 and had to stop at Target to fill his scripts. I dropped Scott at home and then went to get the kids at Ellen's house. Ellen has been so kind to me. She is on call on chemo days to get the kids if we need her to. It's been such a huge help and relief to me.

So...the standard treatment for colon cancer --- FOLFOX -An abbreviation for a chemotherapy combination used to treat colorectal cancer that is advanced or has come back. It includes the drugs leucovorin calcium (folinic acid), fluorouracil, and oxaliplatin. --- is done! Moving forward, Scott will be going for chemo on Fridays and he will be getting only Avastin. He will not have to go home with a pump. It's a few hours at G'town once every 2 weeks until September at the latest!

Wheww!!

The kids are doing well. We are all so used to chemo week that it's 2nd nature now.I have noticed though that Nate has been getting upset when he asks Scott to play with him and Scott can't.It is what it is..but it still is hard to hear. I did go out last weekend and play soccer and football with Nate. We had fun but clearly I was out of my element and Nate had no problem letting me know that I wasn't playing right. Personally, I think he makes up new rules for the games to suit him. I took Nate sledding on Monday as well. Hannah didn't feel like going, so Nate and I bundled up and walked over to this hill in our neighborhood and took a few slides down. It was so fun but man, it was c o l d!!

Speaking of snow, I shoveled most of the snow but Scott for some reason, got a hankering to get out there and shovel a bit. I left him a part of the driveway to finish which he did but you could tell he was worn out the rest of the day. I am sure it's frustrating for him to not be able to do the things he used to do all the time.

One thing that I have been thinking about lately is how I am so proud of Scotty. This has been so tough on all of us but I stop and think about how this is for him. He is the one with cancer, the one with the chemicals being put into his body, the one that has to live with this thought that it could come back, the one that wants to do all of this stuff, but physically right now he can't. But with all that, he still keeps a positive, happy outlook. He gets down about it, but it really doesn't define him. He is still Scotty. He's just Scotty who happens to be dealing with this really shitty situation. He gets up and goes to work without a question on the non-chemo days. We have just worked this into our lives. It's not like we have a choice, but you do have a choice in how you deal with it. You can be all doom and gloom by this or you can just realize it is happening, it sucks beyond words, but life goes on. That's how Scotty is and I am so proud of him.